I started this blog with the intention of starting a sort of online career. I made two YouTube videos and have a lot of blog drafts in my notes. I prepared an instagram account for this blog. And then I ended up deleting my personal instagram account, unfollowed most from Facebook and unsubscribed from most the channels I followed on YouTube and deleted the YouTube app from my phone.
That’s not entirely where I had planned to take this.
For a long time I’ve escaped to the internet. Escaped the stress and depression in my own life and escaped to tumblr blogs, YouTube videos, twitter, instagram etc. But recently I’ve been dreaming of a life away from the internet. To be able to sit without something to do and not pick up my phone and mindlessly scroll through instagram or websites. Not compare my life to someone else’s or constantly be bombarded with information. I dream of a simple life of taking walks in the forest and enjoying the sunlight. Picking blueberries and rasberries and actually spending time with the people I’m with. To be present here and now and enjoy it. And after years of constant distractions it is not easy.
A couple of nights ago me and my husband watched the new X-Men movie. I love the other X-Men movies and have watched most of them multiple times but ever since I saw the trailer for the new one (Apocalypse) I knew that I wouldn’t want to watch it. There would be too many things that would bother me about it. But still, when time came, we decided to watch it anyway because we really like the others. A few hours later the movie ended and it was way past my normal bed time (my kid wakes up quite early so I try to get to sleep early) I tried to see the positive sides of the movie but in the morning when I woke up at 5 am I was mostly annoyed for having wasted my time with a movie I knew wouldn’t give me anything or contribute to my life or mood.
And so I decided to be more concious of what watch or do or eat or read. Be more concious of what I consume and ask myself if it gives me anything and contributes to my life.
For example, last night we watched The Last Samurai and the entire movie I could think about the simplicity in the Japanese decor, about the samurai mindset and the story. I walked away strengthened by it instead of annoyed, which is the way it should be.
It can be realitvely easy to choose more carefully what movies to watch, but, for me at least, it is much more difficult to be more concious of what I’m eating and why I’m eating it. It’s so easy to snack between meals and when eating those meals not really be thinking of what I’m eating and enjoy it.
Same with checking social media. I try to check Instagram and Facebook and YouTube and Snapchat less and less. Instead of mindlessly checking them 10 times a day I want to check them mindfully maybe 1 time a day (and Facebook maybe not at all, except messages).
However, everything is a process and I can’t change everything at once, but from now on I will try to always think ”Does it contribute?”
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by everything and nothing, or too caught up in something, and then I like to try to take a step back and think about what truly matters.
What is most important to me?
What are my priorities?